Keeping It Reel

A Total Waste of Film

That may be a bit harsh.  That would imply that the movie had no redeemable qualities whatsoever.  When I sit and think about it, there were a couple of salvageable scenes.  Still, they weren't good enough to make this one even borderline decent.

"Date Movie" is the latest spoof movie to come out which tries to milk its laughs by parodying other movies.  In this case, it focuses on the batch of romantic comedies from the past, present and future that we have come to know and love.  Or even those that we didn't care for too much.

The best thing about these type of movies is often not the laughs that they try to generate.  Usually, it's the challenge of trying to figure out with each scene what movie they are trying to imitate.  That shouldn't be the total enjoyment of the movie though.  It should have some humor factor to it since that's the goal for which they are aiming.  Despite what anyone might say, it worked out pretty good for "Not Another Teen Movie" and for even most of the "Scary Movie" series.  It fails miserably here.

It was nice to see Alyson Hannigan finally get a starring role after she's proved herself with the "American Pie" series.  She tried her best to make this flick worth watching, but even she couldn't help it.

It's no secret that I have a tendency to fall asleep on movies.  However, when I do wake up, I'll backtrack the dvd to see what I missed so I can see the movie in its entirety.  "Date Movie" was so unbelievably bad that I was actually mad at myself for interrupting my sleep just to see what I missed.  Probably the best part of the movie was that it was only 73 minutes long.  One minute longer would have definitely been one minute to much.

My rating:  D-

Hotlanta Come to Life

There are certain movies that come out that do an excellent job in capturing the essence of a city in a particular time for a particular generation.  In those cases, it doesn't matter that the plot may be thin or maybe even non-existent.  If it can make you feel like you were there, or better yet, wish you were there, it has done it's job.  That was the case with flicks like "American Graffiti", "Boyz n the Hood" and even "Biloxi Blues".

That's the feeling I got with "ATL".  I still haven't had a chance to visit Atlanta although I've driven thru the city a couple of times.  Even though I still will have the opportunity to visit, I can't help but think about all he things I may have missed by not going during my more active college years.

The thing I liked most about "ATL" was the focus on the subplot of the skating rink.  Personally, I wish they would have spent more time on that.  Those cats do some phenomenal things on skates that makes it seem like you're watching a mobile stepshow.  "Roll Bounce" tried to recreate that sensation but even they didn't give it enough airtime as far as I'm concerned.  I wold love to see nothing a movie with nothing but that type of skating.  A documentary of it would be even better.

T.I. did an alright job in the lead role for it being his first chance in a feature film.  However, I was most impressed with the cat that played Esquire, Jackie Long.  He made his character very relateable here as a young man struggling to get out of his environment yet not wanting to lose touch with who he is.

One could see the ending coming a mile away.  Despite how anti-climatic it may have been, the build-up to it was camouflaged nicely with the pulsating soundtrack, the flashy skating and good supporting actor performances throughout.  Plus, it reminded me that I need to make that Atlanta trip sometime before I get too old.

My rating:  B

Speaking of Icecapades...

Even before witnessing the ice skating IG performance, I was wanting to check out this movie.  It was the latest episode of "I Love the 70s" that reminded me I still hadn't seen a movie some people had said was the greatest sports movie of all-time.  So I broke down and watched "Slap Shot" to see what all the fuss was about.

Not that it has much to do with the actual review, but Paul Newman had gray hair even back in '77?!  This was almost 30 years ago.  He must be pushing about 100 right about now.  Him and Steve Martin both.

Anyway, you can tell from watching this that this was from a time when movie makers didn't pander to an audience to keep the rating below "R".  It's not that it's excessive, it's just that it's a movie about pro sports and realistically, a lot of the stuff that goes on isn't meant for children.

The highlight of the movie is easily the Hanson brothers.  Newman may have been the man then, but this trio stole every scene they were in.  I never saw the sequel (and don't plan to as it looks horrendous); nevertheless, I can see how they focused it around these cats.  Even it was made almost 20 years later.

I wouldn't call it the greatest sports movie of all-time.  That designation will always belong to "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" for me.  However, it's easily one of the best hockey movies I've ever seen. 

My rating:  B

Trolls, Donkeys and Monkeys...Oh My...

It was painfully obvious that I needed something to lift me out of the funk I was in.  Even if it was only momentarily.  The weather clearing up helped.  Thank goodness "Clerks II" came out this weekend as I just knew that hitting that would do the trick also.

Let me just say that after seeing this, you'll have to definitely understand that Kevin Smith is an acquired taste.  Personally, he can do no wrong in my eyes.  That being the case, he sure tried his best in this one to push it to the limit as far as taste is concerned.  Slapstick, gross out, toilet...every kind of humor you can think of, he threw it in.  Even some that you probably can't bear to watch.

This one picks up almost where the original "Clerks" left off.  Two obvious differences is this one was in color and this one actually tried to have a semblance of a plot.  It was the plot that could have almost led to its undoing as it got borderline sappy near the end. 

It didn't help that the whole time I'm watching this, there was this cat sitting nearby that had THE worse body odor I've ever smelled in my life.  I wasn't sure if my eyes were watering from crying laughing or from his funk.  Then I saw him in the restroom afterwards and he was washing his hands after he got done.  What good is that going to do when you smell like that overall?!

Anyway, definitely classic Kevin Smith.  This could have used a little bit of tweaking, but still worth the loot.  Of course it wasn't as good as its predecessor.  However, every sequel can't be an "Empire Strikes Back". 

And I don't know what it is but for some reason, his movies are actually better to me when seen on dvd instead of in theaters.  In this case, Funky Boy helped prove that point even more.

My rating:  B-

The Cost of Living Forever

Michael Bay has earned his spot with me of one of the directors whose products I'll always have to check out.  How could he not be when he made one of my all-time favorite flicks with "Armageddon"?  This is the same cat who also gave us "The Rock" and the upcoming "Tranformers" movie.  So even when one of his pieces isn't critically acclaimed, I still have to check it out because of his proven track record.

"The Island" is yet another one that I've had in my collection for a LONG time.  I was watching my show "World Series of Pop Culture" when Scarlett Johannson was one of the answers and it reminded me I hadn't yet seen it.

If you're watching it without knowing anything about it, there is a bit of a twist to it.  Personally, I was a little lost at first trying to figure out what was going on then cheated and read the box.  It's basically a group of "people" at a hi-tech compound who are clones of people in he real world.  They are bred there for their real-life counterpart for farming so that if something ever goes wrong with the real person, they can use the clone's body parts. 

This movie could have almost been called "Attack of the Clones".  When the clones find out they're being used for farming, naturally, they're pretty hot.  And the way they present clone breeding is pretty interesting, but I like the way it was done in the actual "Attack of the Clones" better.

I like Ewan McGregor's work; however Amistad (Djimon Honsou) does the best work here, playing a mercenary with a heart.  The more I think about it, it was all three of them that made this worth watching (Obi Wan, Amistad and Scarlett).

This won't be quite the classic that some of Bay's other movies are with me.  And as with all of his action movies, there are a couple of scenes of ridiculously over the top action.  Nevertheless, it was a fun ride that I enjoyed.  It's making me even more anxious for the eventual "Transformers" release.

My rating:  B

Slam Dunk Verdict

Apparently, the Lucchese mafia trial was one of the biggest in history.  I don't know how I never heard of it, being such an aficionado of everything mafia.  It's funny that it took until now to make a movie out of it with "Find Me Guilty".

Even though he constantly gets knocked by critics, I've always admired Vin Diesel's work.  "Boiler Room" remains one of my all-time  favorite flicks and it's due in part to his contribution.  He put on extra weight for this role so his trademark physique wouldn't be disracting for a change.  It actually worked.  TERRIBLE hair piece, but his acting was right on point.

The short guy who I'm sure you'll remember from other movies when you see him, Peter Dinklage, does an exceptionally good job here as well.  Every role he's in, at least as of late, has him playing in a position of authority.  It's as if he purposely tries to go against the typecast of his stature.  Good thing for him that it always pays off because of his skills.

The thing that gets me here is the D.A. is upset because he can't figure out why the jurors like Diesel's character.  He argues that don't they know the mafia's criminal activities are the reason consumers pay more for merchandise?  Please.  Guess what...even if it wasn't for them, retailers would find another reason to jack up the prices.  So it all evens out in the end.

My rating:  B+

I Got Played

It had such a promising recipe for success.  Vivica Fox and Bill Bellamy starred in it.  It featured the comedic premise of women trying to turn the tables and get revenge on a player.  I guess I should have known something was wrong when it also starred Carmen Electra.

"Getting Played" was a straight-to-dvd release that displayed clearly why it never got a theatrical release.  The only people that could act halfway decent were Vivica and Bellamy.  But Vivica spent much of the movie trying to show off her body and Bellamy's funniest parts were in the outtakes.

The worse part about the whole thing is the end of the movie, although it couldn't come soon enough, just trails off.  It's like they meant to shoot more but forgot they were supposed to so they just started rolling the credits.  I had to go back a couple of times to see I might have missed something.

Clearly, I fell for the trap again of looking at the cover and stars and thinking this one had a chance.  I guess I'll never learn.  Whatever you do, don't play yourself and make the same mistake I did.

My rating:  D-

The Unusual Fairytales

What if Little Red Riding Hood was really just a story of the shortie being in the wrong place at the wrong time?  That's the different twist the makers of "Hoodwinked" present for us in this animated flick based on children's fairytales but geared a little more toward an older crowd.

"Hoodwinked" is a new twist on these type of animated movies since it's a crime mystery that needs to be solved.  The police are called to a disturbance involving Red, Granny and the Big Bad Wolf and get different versions of the story from everyone involved. 

At first, I thought they were going for the mold of "The Usual Suspects".  They eventually didn't go down that path.  That would have made it even more geared toward older folks as that type of plot would have been difficult for shorties to follow.

The best part of this was Patrick Warburton who has now established he is straight comedy in EVERY role he's in.  At this point, it now doesn't matter if it's live action or animated for him, he's still funny.  As a matter of fact, his talent is almost better in animated roles.

The animation here is really pretty bad.  It reminded me of a cheap Pixar knockoff.  Pixar has basically created a monster with their constant barrage of hits and other companies trying to imitate.  Many are just pretenders to the throne and this is one.  Since the animation isn't up to par, at least can the story keep it interesting.  They made a valiant effort.

My rating:  C

Fight for Where You Belong

Remember those wrestlers in high school who would starve themselves to try to make weight?  They would walk around looking like skeletons.  Eric Stotts (I think that was his last name) comes immediately to mind.  James Franco looked like he took a page from their book in his turn as a Naval officer hopeful in "Annapolis".

It's basically "An Officer and a Gentleman" for today's generation.  Instead of karate, there's boxing and a bigger subplot focused on it. 

I figured this movie would have to be pretty decent with Tyrese in it.  He's been good in pretty much everything else I had seem with him.  He did a decent job as the training officer here.  However, he's still no Louis Gossett, Jr.

Franco is supposed to be this kid from the other side of the tracks trying to get into the prestigious Naval academy.  So after 34 days of trying to get admitted, he finally gets in and quits after one semester?  Yeah, that makes sense.  At least they didn't make it unrealistic by having him come back after missing several days and try to work his way back in before the academy finally makes an exception.

"Annapolis" is stock full of all the military training movie cliches.  Someone's caught cheating, someone tries to kill themselves after washing out, superior officer challenges the outcast then they become friends, intense training montage, yada, yada yada. They should have trained more on how to make a better movie.

My rating:  C-

Convoluted Flux

The MTV cartoon always looked intriguing because of it's gritty animation and the futuristic look to it.  It also looked a little confusing so I never took the time to sit down and watch it.  Maybe I should have watched some of the "Aeon Flux" episodes before trying to embark on watching the movie.  For a simple caveman like me, the storyline and plot weren't the easiest to follow.

Essentially, "Aeon Flux" is your typical end of the world, few survivors left story.  99 percent of the world's population is killed thru industrial disease and the survivors live in a utopian city that, of course, isn't all it's cracked up to me.  Aeon is part of a rebellious movement out to expose the truth and bring about a revolution.

The one problem I had was they send Aeon to kill the leader of of the council that governs the city, Trevor Goodchild but she can't do it because it turns out they have history.  With all the advance intelligence that the rebels were given, shouldn't they have known something like that?

I will give them this though, as with a lot of sci-fi movies, the characters will often be sporting some FLY gear.  Why can't the designers put actual outfits like that on the market today?

Usually with sci-fi movies, I can figure out what's going on after watching it a while.  This one was an hour into it before there was any clarification as to what was going on.  Fans of the series that were more familiar with the backstory probably won't take as long to catch on.  Evidently the movie was geared toward them.  For us simple folk, it was a bit of challenge, even with Charlize Theron.

My rating:  B-