Keeping It Reel

Dead in the Water

That would probably be the best way to describe M. Night Shyamalan's career right about now.  You would have thought that wouldn't be the case from someone who created the classic in "The Sixth Sense".  Therein lies the problem.  He set the bar so high for even himself that it became a near impossible act to follow.

Before I even watched the movie, I figured that "Lady in the Water" would get unfairly criticized.  We have all come to expect Shyamalan's movies to have some big twist at the end that no one saw coming.  People became obsessed with it.  So did he as he proved with the failed project "The Village".  He finally realized that there didn't have to be surprise ending to make a film a hit.  Unfortunately, he failed to grasp the fact that it also takes more than great acting to carry a film.

"Lady in the Water" is supposedly a bedtime story that Shyamalan claims he used to tell his children before they went to sleep.  It's the story of apartment superintendent, Cleveland played by Paul Giamatti.  He discovers a water nymph being stalked by a wolf/dog/grass hybrid (yes, you heard me right...grass).  Nymph Story, played by Bryce Howard, resides in the apartment complex's pool and Cleveland must help her safely home.  Personally, I can see how this may have been his children's bedtime story.  They probably got bored trying to make sense of it and fell asleep.

What I couldn't understand is how an entire apartment complex of people so easily bought into this madness.  Their superintendent tells them of some strange lady that he just found and this outlandish story of a monster after her and nobody questions it.  Some are skeptical for a minute but the doubts disappear VERY quickly.  Does this type of thing happen every day around there for them to buy it into so easily?

This flick had the problem that some of Shymmie's other works had.  For some reason, he makes the creatures in his films look too laughable to be even a little credible.  All the money he makes and he can't spend a little more of it on special effects?  Then again, that's probably why he has so much loot because he skimps on that important facet of his productions.

"Lady in the Water" started off with some promise.  Plus, it had one of my all-time favorites in Giamatti.  It still couldn't overcome the fact that it had too many shortcomings.  The entire movie seemed like Shymmie just threw a story together to prove that he could get any movie made.  I don't know if he may still have another "Sixth Sense" type flick under his belt but hopefully he can do better than this one.

My rating:  D+

Computer Hate

I can understand if you're having computer issues like a simple virus that reformatting could probably solve and you decide to stick it out.  However, if your computer starts acting creepy like doing things when IT'S NOT PLUGGED IN, don't you think it's time to get rid of it?  Maybe it's just me.

"Pulse" centers around a group of college students who start experiencing strange computer issues when their hacker friend takes his own life.  Over time, they start encountering ghosts and other-worldly beings.  Worse than that, it begins spreading to more than just their clique.

The mood is set very early on with the film's opening.  The tone they lay down with that sequence to include the opaqueness in which it's shot helps out a lot.  You know something bad is about to happen  yet it still manages to make your the hair on the back of your neck stand up a little.

Finally, we have a horror picture that isn't all about the gore.  The ironic thing about it is it comes from the mind of Wes Craven who is known for that style.  In "Pulse", he shows us that he can also deliver a frightening picture that can deliver it's scares through disturbing images.  The kind that you don't want to be dreaming about but probably will be.

This reminded me a little of "The Ring" in a way.  You know how you're watching the "The Ring" and the premise is everyone who watches the video will eventually die and you're sitting there thinking "wait...WE are watching the video!".  It messes with your head a little bit.  For me, I just so happened to be on my computer while I'm watching "Pulse" and the film's about people that are stalked from their computer usage.  Not that it will stop me from my computer addiction, but I think that was the underlying message of the film.

I wasn't a fan of the way they took the film in the end.  It would have been better handled if they kept the terrors to a select group of people.  Having it spread to the entire campus and then eluding to the fact the whole world was a zombie-approach they could have done without.  That was a small price to pay for a flick that still entertained without having to resort to cheap parlor tricks more recent horror films are now doing.

My rating:  B 

The Demented Disciple

It's ironic that this time of year is no longer exempt for scary movies.  Not only are their new releases coming out in theaters but they're being released on dvds.  That'd be a pretty interesting Christmas present to get..."Merry Christmas!  Hope you enjoy your horror dvd!".  I don't have a lot of room to talk though because as much as I enjoy the traditional Christmas films, I get suckered into their counterparts as well.

"See No Evil" is the movie that I had mentioned in a post a while back when my boy E was in town.  We had a choice between checking out "The Omen" or this one and he chose "The Omen".  In hindsight, and after seeing this one, "The Omen" was definitely the wrong choice.

This movie starred WWE big man Kane in the perfect role of a murdering madman.  Except for the murdering part, it's basically the same character he's been playing in the WWE for years.  I just wish they would have found a way to incorporate the Undertaker into a cameo in the movie somehow.  Or at least I wish they would have let Kane wear his red WWE outfit complete with the mask.

In "See No Evil", they try to make a play on the name of the movie in more ways than one.  In some jaded way, Kane's character is tricked into thinking he's doing God's work by murdering people.  I guess in some twisted way, it could be justified if one assumes that the people he's taking out are sinners.  But how is it determined he should be the "hand of God" to do His work?  As one victim put it, that's not what God wants.

This flick wasn't without several shortcomings.  Then again, anytime you see a movie begin with the logo "WWE Films", your expectations can't be too high.  Most notably was the fact that these group of juveniles all look like high school debutantes.  Sure, they try to grunge them up a bit, but they still have the look of the popular crowd from high school.  I've seen enough of those "at risk" documentaries to know that's not the case.  There may be a few MAYBE that are attractive, but for the most part, they do look like hardened criminals. 

There's no new ground broken here.  Evil bad guy hunts oversexed/delinquent teenagers.  The so-called adults who are supervising are taken out early.  "Twist" at the end reveals the method behind Kane's madness.  If you couldn't figure it out before they reveal it, you have some serious issues.  I'm going to unfairly compare it to "The Omen" and say it was better but not by much.

My rating:  C- 

The Heebie Jeebies

Back in the day there was this terrible, terrible B-horror movie that came out called "Slithis".  I don't remember anything at all about the movie itself, just the spectacle they had at the drive-in when Mom and Dad took Teandra and I with them to see it.  The drive-in had some campy guy in a bad monster suit that was trying to look like the Slithis monster standing on top of the roof of the concession stand.  And they wonder why drive-ins died out.

That really has nothing at all to do with "Slither" other than the fact the names sound a little similar.  When it first hit theaters earlier this year, "Slither" was billed as somewhat of a horror comedy.  I didn't expect it to be as much straight-forward comedy as "Shaun of the Dead" or "Dead and Breakfast".  That it wasn't, but it did have some moments where you couldn't help but laugh.

Think "The Blob" meets "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" meets every zombie movie you've ever seen meets "The Fly".  It was mostly the elements of "The Fly" that had me almost gagging.  I started off eating lunch while watching this flick and fortunately finished long before it started getting too intense.  While recent movies go for the gore factor with murder scenes, this one is a throwback to those 80s movies where the nastiness is just in the appearance of the creatures.

There were some pleasant surprises in here as well.  Jenna Fischer from "The Office" has a little cameo playing, wouldn't you know it, a secretary.  The best character by far is the mayor played by Greg Henry.  I loved his part in "Payback" and he's just as good here.  Most of the best intentionally funny moments come from him.

I'm pretty sure they weren't aiming to make too serious of a horror movie when they made this one.  It came out in the thick of the trend of all the recent torture/suspense movies that had been coming out.  They were probably shooting to get that middle ground.  Probably to remind us of how scary pictures used to be during more simpler times.  Mission almost accomplished.

My rating:  C+

What He Knows Might Kill You...or At Least the Idea for Another Sequel

It's officially that time of year again.  As Halloween gets closer, that means more horror movies coming out not only in theaters but also for dvd release.  I've got my own special thoughts about Halloween that I'll share for the exact date of that "holiday".  For now, you'll have to settle for another review of yet another scary movie.

"I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer" was pretty much doomed form the start. I don't mean from the start of the movie, I mean with even the name itself.  Of course you had to know they wouldn't stop with the horrible sequel "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer".  Naturally, there had to be a straight-to-dvd release with not a recognizable actor or actress anywhere in the cast.

I don't mind that they rehashed the idea of the first one to try to squeeze out a third movie.  However, they could have at least tried to be a LITTLE original.  I swear, it seemed like they were using the exact same script as the first movie.  At least in the second one, they switched it up a bit and tried to add a twist.  Yeah, the twist sucked and was extremely irrational, but they tried.

The only good thing about this flick is the killer ends up being a ghost rather than some copycat killer.  The ghost of the original fisherman  That was fairly interesting.  I doubt I'm spoiling anything here because I can't see anyone else I know actually checking this one out.

Contrary to popular belief, I personally think "I Know What You Did Last Summer" was an extremely well-made movie.  I also knew because of the way it ended that at least one sequel was inevitable.  I guess all third movies in a series can't be a "Return of the King" so I shouldn't be complaining too much.

My rating:  D+

Death Comes a Knockin' Again

Apparently, I must be on a sequel and/or remake kick lately.  That's all I've been seeming to watch as of recent.  It hasn't been intentional, it's just been the way it's happened to work out.  I probably should break that pattern pretty soon so I can see if there are some fresh ideas in cinema that I've been missing.

The latest sequel to be blessed with my presence was "Final Destination 3".  The premise is the same as it was in its two predecessors:  a high school kid foresees a tragedy about to happen, warns his/her schoolmates, some survive and some don't and the grim reaper comes looking for those that avoided their fate.  Ever since the first movie, I've always thought it was an excellent concept for a horror movie.

The one major problem with this particular flick is the acting is pretty terrible.  I can see the obvious appeal is using teenage actors for these type of roles.  It will attract that younger demographic since they're the biggest market for these movies.  Who cares if the quality's not up to par, right?

One addition available only on dvd is the "Choose-a-fate" option.  Does anyone else remember those type books that were popular back in grade school?  The dvd allows you at certain points to choose a direction and one choice can have a different outcome for the movie.  Some of the choices don't alter it that much; however, the fact that the dvd even has that option was a nice touch.

Another huge plus this definitely had going for it was the death scenes.  This may sound a bit morbid, but they had some of the most creative methods of people dying that I've ever seen in a horror movie.  As a matter of fact, a couple of times I actually had to back up to watch again to make sure I really did see what I thought I just saw.  That creativity helped the overall rating of this film dramatically.

My rating:  B

A Real Nuclear Family

I don't know why I keep falling for the whole "unrated version we couldn't show you in theaters" routine when it comes to dvds.  For those that don't know, all it means is the special features of the dvd haven't been rated.  I keep hoping it means they did a "Lord of the Rings" thing where extra scenes were added to the movie to make it a longer movie.  Nope.  So far, only LOTR has been smart enough to do that.  Having said that I still fell for that trick again with "The Hills Have Eyes".  No extra scenes, but a very cool special edition cover if you get it at Best Buy.

I purchased the original version a couple of years ago and watched it for the first time since I had heard so much about it.  Honestly, I wasn't that impressed.  Therefore, the new version had plenty of room for improvement in my eyes.

Apparently, nuclear testing did more than create Godzilla from it's fallout radiation.  It affected a misfit bunch in this flick as well.  Now why they were in the middle of the desert in the first place is never adequately explained.  Whatever the reason, they want to take out their frustrations on anyone else who treads on their turf.

What I couldn't figure out is why the freak family attacks the people then leave them.  They know they have them at a disadvantage at night, yet they leave them to see the morning.  That was their fatal mistake.  The radiation must have definitely affected their rational thinking as well.

It's amazing what a difference a bigger budget can make.  Better acting, better effects, better score and you've got a remake that improves on the original.  They mix aspects of a thriller with some cheap scare tactics and some outright gore.  In the midst of Hollywood's re-interest in horror movies, I would say this one's one of the better ones of the recent crop.

My rating:  B

You Snooze You Lose

I'm pretty certain I'm not narcoleptic although I do possess some narcoleptic tendencies.  The major one that comes to mind is driving at night.  I have to have caffeine to keep me stimulated or I'm very apt to nod off.  Actually, driving and/or riding in a car period will do that to me.

Also, if I eat too much and get full, I get the "itis" and it takes everything I have to fight off the urge to take a nap.  Where this can be a problem is when I've eaten lunch and then try to view a movie.  Most of the time a big jug of Coke can do the job; however, there are some times when it just isn't good enough.

It was bad enough that E kept trying to talk me into seeing "The Omen" that just opened today.  I kept trying to steer him to "See No Evil".  Because he had never heard of it, he wasn't interested.  It didn't matter that it starred Kane from the WWF's heyday.  No mask, not interested, was E's motto regarding that.

So "The Omen" it was.  There were a few minutes to kill before the movie so we hit up Wynnsong's sorry excuse for an arcade and had an air hockey competition.  Needless to say, I came out victorious.  The rule is that whoever wins the last game is the all-time champion so all hail me.

Normally, this would be the point where I would go into my rating of  the flick I had seen.  There was one small problem in this instance: I kept nodding of all throughout the movie and missed most of it.  I would estimate that all in all, I probably missed at least a total of 30 minutes of the movie.

E came out saying that it was an extremely stupid movie.  He was very unimpressed and said it was flat out terrible.  I asked him why and the best he could come up with was that it had no plot and had a stupid ending.  He's even a Julia Stiles fan and the fact that she was in it couldn't even sway him to give it a positive rating.

I just wish I could remember the original so I had a frame of reference for it.  The only thing I recall from the original was the tricycle scene where Damien knocked his mother off the stool and he watched her plummet to the floor below.  Here, they modernized it and instead of a trike, it was a scooter that all the shorties rave about these days.  That scene alone was done pretty janky with the way they made her look as she fell.  Nothing realistic about it at all.  I was actually awake for that moment.

I think the fact that even a large jug of Coke couldn't keep me stimulated enough to enjoy this movie speaks volumes.  If it was entertaining, it would had enough to keep me motivated to stay awake.  That plus the fact that this particular date in time probably wasn't the best date for someone like me to be checking out a movie like that and it's another strike against the film. 

E had discerned that the flick should get an F-.  I may not have seen the entire movie, but from what I did see, that was still a little harsh.  It did have some redeeming qualities.  The freaky, scary kid helps out the fright factor, although not enough to make it one to recommend. 

My rating:  D

Stalkers Gone Wild

Most of the time when it comes to remakes, I've at least heard of the original and probably even seen it.  That doesn't mean that the remake is always better though.  Here is a case where I only remember the premise of the original and can't recall anything about the movie itself to compare it to the remake.  Maybe that's where this one caught a break in my eyes.

This new verison of "When a Stranger Calls" sees our victim being a babysitter alone in a house when she's stalked by an anonymous psycho.  A cute babysitter in a big house by herself...there's a fresh idea.

This flick annoyed me from the beginning.  Well not quite the very beginning.  The opening sequence wasn't bad as it set up this killer's MO.  However, after that is when it goes downhill.  The cops eventually come to the murder scene and the lead detective shows up.  He's an older guy that looks like he's been around for years.  Of course they never show the murder scene itself, but they show his reaction.  He's so repulsed that he looks like he wants to puke.  At his age, I find it hard to believe that whatever it was was so bad that even he couldn't stomach it.

Speaking of not showing anything, they did that all throughout this movie.  There were a few murders that take place but we never see any blood and they never show how the people were offed.  That's one good way to maintain a PG-13 rating.

Unlike other babysitter movies, the sitter's not totally alone in the house.  The live-in housekeeper was there also.  Until she was taken out, that is.  The first thing I was thinking is what was the purpose of the babysitter in the first place if they're already paying Alice?

They try their best to hit us with all the cliche suspenseful camera views and especially the typical horror movie music.  It's all good for effort; nevertheless, when you don't tread any new ground, you gets no props in my book.

Teandra had pointed out that what she didn't like about the movie is we never find out who the guy is.  I think what she meant is it would have been nice if the guy was somehow linked to the sitter in some way.  Why was he stalking her? Was he a psycho ex?  The troubled son of the family she was sitting for?  That's the one part of the movie I did like is that they don't expound on it.  He's just some random, psychotic stalker and I'm fine with that.  At any rate, I'm still thinking that the original was probably still better.

My rating:  C-

Silent Hell

We all have our own quirks about certain things that may freak us out.  What it comes down to is how much we allow those things bother us and/or what type of effect they have on us when they do.  Take Elijah for instance.  For some reason, he has a phobia about clowns.  Zeke has a phobia about people in large cartoon costumes.  Well I would say mine would be that creepy kids in movies freak me out.  Wouldn't you know it, along comes another movie that finds a way to incorporate that.

E called me at home today to tell me he and B had just checked out the new flick "Silent Hill" last night and he was still shook about it.  He can try to be all macho and say that wasn't the case but essentially, the movie bothered him.  I was going to wait for it to hit dvd before I checked it out but knowing that it had that profound of an effect, now I had to check it out right away to see what the fuss was all about.

"Silent Hill" is the latest in the parade of movies based on video games.  This one was along the lines of the horror video game genre that "Resident Evil" first made famous.  I remember playing this game when it first came out but I didn't get very far in it.  It was yet another mystery-type game that I couldn't solve so I got too frustrated and didn't finish it.  Too bad I didn't because now I can't accurately say if the movie stayed true to the game or not.

Basically, it's the story of a couple of parents with an adopted child who has some issues.  The kid sleepwalks and talks in her sleep about this place called Silent Hill.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that they picked up an orphan with baggage and would have been better off to hold out for a different one when they were picking out their new kid.

The movie had some truly disturbing scenes.  Of course it had the usual blood and gore things that every horror movie today leans on, but there were some images in there that were just too much to even describe in words.  The best way to put it is you literally feel like in a couple of scenes, it has to be what hell would be like.

E described it as one jacked up movie.  I would have to be inclined to agree.  There are some horror movies that I will watch and vow not to ever watch them again because they just messed with me too much. I not that long ago finally came to grips with being able to watch "The Ring" and "The Grudge" again.  It may be a while before I can view "Silent Hill" again though.  If I ever do at all.

My rating:  A-